Sister Jessica Feltcher

Investigatrix of Indulgence

~Mistress of Propaganda

~UNPC Delegate (United Nuns Privy Council)

Grandmother ~ Sister Shawnti Fey

Mother ~ Sister Pontiac Firebird Trans Am

Stepmother ~ Sister Peversula Fellatopia

Big Sister ~ Sister Chronica Lewinski

Once upon a fabulously ridiculous time, in the scandal-prone town of Cabot Rouge, lived Jessica Feltcher, mystery writer, shade-thrower, and crime-solving connoisseur. Her life took a divine turn the night of the Great Drag Cotillion, when the sacred Glitter Bomb of Eternal Queerdom vanished, sending the town’s brunch-weary queers into chaos.

With her keen eye for detail and devastating wit, Jessica investigated the usual suspects: a wig-crooked queen, a glitter-happy Brother, and Dame Crumpet, a known buffet thief. But it was a trail of rhinestones that led to Bishop Bartholomew Bland, a beige-souled villain who had stolen the Glitter Bomb to suppress joy itself.

Jessica, never one to let dullness win, lured him into a false victory, only to dramatically detonate the Glitter Bomb mid-Cotillion. An explosion of sequined defiance blinded the bishop, who fled in terror, never to beige another day.

As one of the Mad City Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, who was visiting for the weekend, sat puffing her magic pipe in admiration, she saw Jessica’s true calling. And so, she took Jessica under her wing and convinced her to move to the Midwest to take her vows—not of silence, but of gossip with purpose; not of poverty, but of thrift-store fabulousness; and certainly not of chastity, because let’s be real. From that day forth, she became Sister Jessica Feltcher, the Investigatrix of Indulgence, Sworn Protector of Curiosity, Herb, and the Sacred Art of Throwing Shade.